You Only Get One Life

TL;DR Takeaways

Surveys have shown that over 50% of American workers use only a portion of their allotted vacation time yearly. The reasons? Many cite workload pressures, fear of falling behind, concerns about job security, or a company culture that discourages taking time off.

Unfortunately, I've struggled with life balance issues, consistently prioritizing work over my family and personal life. I made the familiar, unhealthy mistake of tying my identity to my work and position. The lines often blur between work and the rest of our lives, specifically in our "always online and available" world.

My "fake" heart attack

Starting in 2019, I began to notice the stress I was under and the pressure I was putting on myself to perform. This led to nonstop thinking about the job, how I could improve, what the team could improve, and an overall feeling I needed to do more. This impacted my sleep, my relationships, and eventually, my health.

In July 2019, I ended up in the emergency room with what I thought was a heart attack. After several days in the hospital and undergoing every test imaginable, the specialists gave me the all-clear physically—however, the diagnosis: Stress.

Immediately, my wife took action, and less than a week later, I was lying by the pool and beach in Maui, Hawaii. She gave me strict orders to stay unplugged. More importantly, we talked about what stress was doing to us and how she did not want to see me do this to myself. 

She told me I needed to change so I didn't have any more "fake" heart attacks. Believe me, I got the straight but not-so-subtle message.

Taking a Walk

Slowly, I began implementing structure and processes outside of work, such as meditation, journaling, and reading, to keep me balanced.

My wife started planning our weekends and vacations, where we were sometimes forced to be off the grid, to allow me to "unplug." I needed to escape from my daily routine and schedule, but I rarely ever did.

In early 2022, I read a book on the mental and physical changes of "getting older." The author spoke of slowing down but staying active. He suggested taking walking trips, where instead of driving through an area, you walked instead.

The next thing I knew, my wife, who was already planning a trip for us to Italy, had changed our original plan of driving through Tuscany to walking through it.

The Via Degli Dei is an 82-mile route in Italy that passes through four mountains. We walked the path from Bologna to Florence over six days. It was as challenging as it was beautiful. But for me, it was more than just a walk. It was a journey that altered my perspective on life.

I took the time to reflect on the next phase of my life. I pondered over what was truly important to me, when I envisioned myself slowing down, and what I could see for myself in the future after work ended. It was a concept at that point, but one that I was determined to carefully plan and consider.

Meanwhile, I still wanted to work. I enjoyed my work with the team and the company I was working for. However, I needed to bring balance to my whole life and figure out how to be at my best at work and home.

Hard Truths

During this time, I realized the truth of what Marcus Aurelius, the famous emperor of Rome, was saying when he wrote in Meditations:

Everyone gets one life. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.

It's a very clear message: 

• You only get one life.
• Life is short.
• Treat yourself with respect.
• You are responsible for your happiness.

I wandered miles in Italy through Tuscany's hillsides and small towns and thought about how short life was. I asked myself what was important to me and what I valued most. Here's what I came up with:

• My happiness.
• My future.
• My relationships.
• My thoughts.
• My words and actions.
• My core values.

I realized that the workplace isn't ultimately concerned about these things. Your executives, manager, and co-workers might care if you are lucky. But your company? The company cares about the bottom line, as it should.

With all the talk about work/life balance, plenty of lip service is paid to the notion, but in reality, this is on you, as it should be.

Get Perspective

It would be best if you got your perspective right. Pull back to get a wider-angle view of your life and what you prioritize at the expense of other things. 

You are degrading yourself if you don't prioritize the most essential things. You will lose your dignity and self-respect and eventually lose your way. You might have a successful career and some money in the bank, but at what cost? 

Getting your perspective right means understanding what truly matters and aligning your actions with those priorities.

You can do both your job and work and what they pay you to do, as well as the most important things that lead to a kind, loving, peaceful, and happy life.

But you can not depend on your work to measure your worth, happiness, or respect. That is not the company's job; it's yours. You have to strive for this outside your work life. You have to prioritize it, plan for it, and pursue it. It takes effort and left on auto-pilot, you will eventually stray off course.

In his essay, Leisure: The Basis of Culture, Josef Pieper writes: 

"Of course, specialized and professional work is normal, the normal way in which men play their part in the world; "work" is the normal, the working day is the ordinary day. But the question is: …can a full human existence be contained within an exclusively workaday existence?"

The short answer: No!

Nurture the Essential

A full human existence takes time, and you lose time every day. So, you have to take consistent action every day. Your humanity doesn't develop without some effort outside of work. You have to nurture these most essential things.

• Feed your soul by reading a book.
• Pursue your happiness by starting a hobby or life-long passion.
• Envision your future by sketching out a roadmap of goals.
• Strengthen your relationships by meeting a friend in person for coffee.
• Record your thoughts by keeping a regular journal about your experiences.
• Temper your words by listening more and allowing space in conversations.
• Contemplate your actions by exercising self-control and being less reactive.
• Understand your nature. Learn who you are and how you best relate to the world.

Start by scheduling time to unplug and think about what's most important to you. It doesn't have to be a week-long trip to Hawaii or Italy, but it could be 30 minutes to an hour a day to contemplate, read, or journal.

Begin by giving yourself some space and building time for yourself every day. Develop a list of what you value most (your essentials), and then commit to one small change in your daily routine that can feed these essential areas of your life.

There's no time like the present. 

After all, you only get one life.

NOTES:

1. The photo at the top of the page is one I took of the painting "Saint Jerome Writing" by Caravaggio, located in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. I stood for a long time here, thinking of the shortness of life (the skull) juxtaposed next to Saint Jerome as he works. There is no better image for me regarding how we should approach life with urgency.
2. Click on this link to learn about the Via degli Dei and see a few pictures from our trip.

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~ Steve