Living Authentically – Aligning Who You Are with How You Live

There’s a moment when you realize you’re no longer living the life you actually want—and something needs to shift.

But the questions don’t end there. Change how? When? What’s next?

For me, that moment didn’t start with a dramatic event. It started with tension I couldn’t ignore anymore.

I found a journal entry recently—something I wrote just over three years ago. I was reflecting on a situation at work that left me unsettled. A decision had been made that didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t about right or wrong, or someone being the bad guy. It was just… off.

Sometimes, even in good organizations with good people, things get misaligned. Priorities shift. The weight of decisions stacks up. And what starts as a subtle discomfort becomes a signal.

I knew then that something inside me had started to change.

Not because I was angry. Not because I didn’t care.

But because I cared too much to keep going on autopilot.

That moment didn’t push me out the door—but it started a process. Quietly, internally. I wasn’t ready to leave, but I was ready to start asking different questions.

How do I live and lead in a way that honors the people around me—and still holds true to the values I’m trying to grow into?

That’s where it began. A slow, quiet shift toward something more authentic.

What Does It Mean to Live Authentically?

Living authentically means being aligned with your values and your virtues. It means showing up as your true self—not just when it's easy, but especially when it's hard.

And the "Self" is a key part of that.

We all have parts—internal systems that show up in different situations. Some try to protect us. Others push us to prove something. Sometimes, they fight with each other.

But our true Self—the grounded, clear, calm part of us—isn't loud or reactive. It doesn't need to prove anything. It just is.

The authentic self doesn't need to announce its plans. No fanfare. No loud talk. No justification. Just quiet, steady action.

The biggest misconception about authenticity is that it's always clear-cut. It's not.

Living by your virtues—wisdom, courage, justice, love—isn't always obvious. The most authentic people I know live deeply in the gray.

Being kind doesn't always look sweet. Being courageous doesn't always look bold. Being loving sometimes means setting hard boundaries.

Barriers to Living Authentically

The first barrier? Yourself.

You have to slow down enough to notice who's showing up in the moment—your grounded Self or one of your reactive parts.

It takes intention to pause, reflect, and realign before you act. But the more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

For me, one of the biggest barriers is approval-seeking—especially from leadership.

I admired the people I worked with. I respected their experience, their influence, and their success. I wanted to be accepted by them, to feel like I belonged in that room.

That approval became a trap.

There's a quote from Meditations that hit me hard: "I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others."

Another challenge? How I process information.

In high-stakes conversations, I need time to reflect. I don't always speak up in the moment—even when my values are being tested. I can have the right thing to say after the fact, but often miss the moment to say it when it counts.

That's not always bad. Thinking before speaking is wise. But sometimes, it's just editing myself to avoid conflict. And that's not authenticity. That's fear.

How to Align Life with Your Authentic Identity

Here are a few practical steps that helped me move toward a more authentic life:

1. Check in with Yourself Daily

Start the day with reflection—meditation, journaling, quiet walks, exercise. For me, journaling has been the most consistent way to see how I'm growing (or where I'm stuck).

2. Set Intentional Goals

Think about the identity you want to live out. Ask yourself: What would it look like to embody my values in my work, relationships, and decisions?

Then make it concrete:

• What needs to change?
• By when?
• How will I know if I'm living in alignment?

3. Name Your Values and Virtues

You can't live authentically if you don't know what you stand for. Pick at least four core values or virtues you want to live by. Write them down. Define them. Post them. Revisit them.

4. Challenge Yourself Mentally

Read books. Listen to podcasts. Surround yourself with ideas and people who sharpen you and call you forward towards growth.

5. Use a Countdown

I set a countdown to a "next phase" marker. I gave myself a deadline: By this date, I want to be living differently, in this way.

I downloaded an app that showed the days ticking by. That visual reminder kept me moving.

Because time is ticking. And life is moving. And every day is either bringing you closer to your real self—or pulling you further away.

You Know You

At night, when your head hits the pillow and the world is quiet—you know.

You know if you're living in alignment with your values. You know if the version of you people see is real—or just the one you want them to believe.

So here's the challenge:

Before bed tonight, sit with that question.

What would it mean to bring your real self into your relationships, your work, your decisions? What would it look like to stop performing—and start becoming?

Start small. Pick one value. One area of life. One part of you that's ready to be real.

Not everything needs to change overnight. But something does.

And you already know what it is.